He has no control ____ his temper

Over the past 30 years, I've spent nearly 25,000 hours counseling angry men, and until about two years ago, my enthusiasm was beginning to wane. If you've worked with angry male clients, you can understand why. These men are generally highly reluctant clients, who are often in your office only because they've gotten "the ultimatum" from their wives or girlfriends or bosses or sometimes court judges: "Get therapy for your anger or get out / you're fired / you'll go to jail." Many, considered by everyone who knows them to have an "anger problem," arrive in your office convinced that they don' t have an anger problem: the real problem is their stupid coworkers, annoying girlfriends, demanding spouses, spoiled kids, or unfair probation officers. However, they arrive at your office with a shotgun at their backs, so to speak, and know they have no choice. They hate the entire situation because it makes them feel powerless. No wonder they feel powerless: they're being coerced to lay down their anger, the only weapon they've ever had against feelings of powerlessness. They often trace their reliance upon anger to a childhood history of danger, trauma, shaming, and pain. Anger is the emotion they can trust, the one that might keep danger at bay. As they grew up, they continued to use anger to make people they regard as dangerous back away. By the time you see them, they regard just about every person in their lives as "dangerous," including loved ones. These men have become habitua...

He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. Whoever has no rule over his own spirit Is like a city broken down, without walls. He whose spirit is without restraint Is like a city that is broken down and without walls. Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who does not control his temper. As a city that lieth open and is not compassed with walls, so is a man that cannot refrain his own spirit in speaking. He whose spirit is without restraint is like a city that is broken down and hath no wall. Like a city that is broken down and without walls is a man whose spirit is without restraint. A city broken down without walls, Is a man without restraint over his spirit!

Key points • Women—and many gay men—let their male partners get away with bullying because they are often too afraid to confront or hold them accountable. • A grown man who acts out on his bad temper is selfish. If he weren’t, he would get the help he needs. • When a person bullies others, their behavior needs to be acknowledged as abusive. For far too long, men with so-called bad tempers have gotten away with uncontrolled expressions of anger and frustration, and society minimizes this immature, childlike behavior by chalking it up to silly conventions: “Boys will be boys,” or “That’s just how men are.” Research has shown that a nasty double standard exists when it comes to the expression of anger. In a study, for example, about how men and women are perceived at work, Brescoll and Uhlmann (2008) found that both male and female evaluators assigned lower status to angry female professionals than to their male counterparts. In other words, when men lose it, it's somehow more acceptable; when women do it, they're seen as difficult or incompetent. In my clinical work with adults, I have found that far higher rates of men have a self-described "bad temper," while few women I've worked with display a similar problem with anger. What's more, I have found that many of the men who have a bad temper unleash the worst of it on their girlfriend or wife, especially if they live together. Why don’t most men who have bad tempers change? It’s often because the people around them let them...

Little kids are prone to throw temper tantrums. It’s annoying, but it’s typical for children to express feelings in a loud, out-of-control way because they just don’t know any better. As you age, you start to learn that keeping your anger in check is essential to maintaining respectful, solid relationships. There are plenty of adults that never learn this skill, and it’s best to avoid them at all costs. • The things he says in the heat of the moment matter. You’re going to get into a fight with your guy at some point in your relationship — it’s an inevitability. How you choose to work through an argument is important, and the way your boyfriend addresses problems is really a reflection of his feelings towards you. If his first instinct is to corner you and immediately start attacking you with hurtful words, that indicates a huge lack of respect. Your boyfriend doesn’t get to call you horrible names just because he was in the heat of the moment. • Fights will get super personal. You’ll find that the more comfortable he gets with you, the more liberties he’ll take with the argument. Opening yourself up to an unstable person leaves you vulnerable in ways you’ll never expect. The longer you stay with a partner that is quick to anger, the more intimate information he’ll have to use against you. • You’ll never get the last word. To someone who’s quick to anger, fights are more like a contest than a means to an end. Who can deliver the lowest blow and leave the other speechless i...

Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city. Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city. Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city. He who is slow to anger is better than a warrior, and he who controls his temper is greater than one who captures a city. He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city. He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city. One who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And one who rules his spirit, than one who captures a city. He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his own spirit, than he who captures a city. He who is slow to anger is better and more honorable than the mighty [soldier], And he who rules and controls his own spirit, than he who captures a city. Patience is better than power, and controlling one’s emotions, than capturing a city. Patience is better than power, and controlling one’s temper, than capturing a city. He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; And he that ruleth his spirit, than he that taketh a city...

Many things can trigger anger, including stress, family problems, and financial issues. For some people, anger is caused by an underlying disorder, such as The following are some of the possible causes of anger issues. Depression Anger can be a symptom of Anger can be suppressed or overtly expressed. The intensity of the anger and how it’s expressed varies from person to person. If you have depression, you may experience other symptoms. These include: • irritability • loss of energy • feelings of hopelessness • thoughts of self-harm or Obsessive compulsive disorder For example, they may perform certain rituals, such as counting to a number or repeating a word or phrase, because of an irrational belief that something bad will happen if they don’t. A Anger may result from frustration with your inability to prevent obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors, or from having someone or something interfere with your ability to carry out a ritual. Alcohol abuse Alcohol abuse, or Alcohol impairs your ability to think clearly and make rational decisions. It affects your impulse control and can make it harder for you to control your emotions. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder Symptoms usually start in early childhood and continue throughout a person’s life. Some people are not diagnosed until adulthood, which is sometimes referred to as Anger and short temper can also occur in people of all ages with ADHD. Other symptoms include: • restlessness • problems focusing • poor tim...