Girlfriend and boyfriend jokes

Your partner likes puns? How pun-derful! Here are some of the silliest, • "What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe." • "How much money does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer." • "What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop." • "What do you call an everyday potato? A commentator." • “What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.” • "What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? A hippo is really heavy, and a Zippo is a little lighter." • "What did the atom say after losing an electron? 'I really gotta keep an ion them.'" • "Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field." • "Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie." • "Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing." • "How do astronomers organize a party? They planet." • “What did the nut say while chasing the other nut? I’m a cashew.” • “When does a joke become a dad joke? When it’s apparent.” Though usually utilized in committed relationships (and usually don't work anyway), these zingers are too good not to share. Who knows? Maybe they’ll even set the mood. Ranging from suggestive to raunchy, here are a few lines your partner will appreciate. • "I know you're busy today, but can you add me to your to-do list?" • "If I had a garden, I'd put your tulips and my tulips together." • "On a scale from 1 to 10, you're a 9... and I'm the 1 you need." • "Is your name Google? Bec...

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family." A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." "Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway." Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, sh...

They say laughter is the soul of romance, which means In the tradition of the classic “ • Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef? They will dessert you. • What did the cat say to her girlfriend? “You’re purrr-fect for me.” • What did the light bulb say to the switch? “You turn me on.” • Why did the angel always wear a bow in her hair? Wearing an arrow would be dangerous. • What do you call two cupids who fall in love? A match made in heaven. • What kind of architecture makes people fall in love? Heart deco. • Why did the soccer player dislike Valentine’s Day? He hated getting red cards. • What did the calculator say to the pencil? “You can always count on me!” • What did the squirrel say to his lover? “I’m nuts about you!” • What did the lightbulb say to their sweetie? “I love you a whole watt!” • What do you call two birds who are in love? Tweethearts! • What did one watermelon say to the other? “You’re one in a melon!” • Why did the man accuse his wife of robbery? She stole his heart. • What did the barista say to his crush? “I like you a latte.” • Who always has a date on Valentine’s Day? The calendar! • What did the woman with a broken leg say to her crush? “I’ve got a crutch on you!” • Why did the melons get married in a church? They cantaloupe. • What did the octopus say to its octopus crush? “I wanna hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand.” • What did one little flame say to the other? “We’re a perfect match.” • What do you call a colorf...

It is psychologically proven that if couples share a similar sense of humor, the relationship is (and can be) strong. I mean, who doesn’t appreciate a good funny joke? Here is a list of some funny and cute jokes to tell your boyfriend. We have jokes, puns, and pick-up lines that you can share with your partner. They might be so lame, yet so good, that they might make him fall in love with you all over again… Funny Jokes and Puns Some of these puns are clean and cute pick-up lines, while some might be raunchy zingers. Sometimes you need to add some dirty, silly humor to the relationship! This might sound cheesy…But I think you’re grate. I like you butter than anyone! Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again? Do you like sales? Because clothing is 100% off at my place. You’re like a Sharpie… Superfine. On a scale from 1 to 10, you’re a 9… and I’m the 1 you need. It may sound cheesy… But you’ve stolen a pizza my heart. ‘You’re beautiful’ has U in it, but ‘quickie’ has U and I together. Your boyfriend doesn’t get your fruit puns? You got to let that mango. Is your name Google? Because you’ve got everything I’m searching for. I’ve had an off week, but seeing you always turns me on. I wish you were my big toe. Then I would bang you on every piece of furniture at my house. I know you’re busy today, but can you add me to your to-do list? They say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Well apparently, no one has ever been standing next to you. Funny Joke...

• Twitter • Facebook • Pinterest • Email Okay, so you’ve totally got your eyes on this awesome person, and you like them. You hope that they become as drawn to you as you are to them, and of course, you want them to like you too. Whenever we have a crush on someone or we begin to like a person immensely, there’s a lot we do to impress them. We dress up in colors they like, cook them their favorite meals, ask them questions about their lives just to show them that we truly care, and so on. Among the many things to try out to impress your crush, jokes can be an easy and effective way to win a crush over. You know that We’ve all been there. We all know how it feels to want to make a sparkling impression on a crush. And we’ve got your back! A stellar way to make a great impression is by cracking some witty and appealing jokes. Flirty You’ll totally make a mark on his mind and maybe even on his heart with these super cute and super charming word play. Get your flirt on with the knock knock jokes! Flirty Knock-Knock Jokes It is time to get your flirt on with your crush with these knock knock jokes that are sure to get them smiling — and vibing with you! “ Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ben. Ben who? Ben thinking about you all day!” “ Knock, knock. Who’s there? Snow. Snow who? Snow use, I still can’t stop thinking about you!” “ Knock, knock. Who’s there? Disguise! Disguise who? (Point thumbs at your chest) Disguise your boyfriend!” “Knock, knock. Who’s there?. Wendy who? Wendy you th...

Boyfriend Girlfriend Jokes Enjoy our team's carefully selected Girlfriend Boyfriend Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends! Short GF BF Jokes in English I promised my new girlfriend the sun, the moon and the stars... So, I took her to the planetarium. 😄 😄 😄 My physicist girlfriend told me that she loves me to the moon and back. I’m worried she means displacement, not distance. 😄 😄 😄 The hardest part about working from home is the distractions, my girlfriend never stops talking to me while I’m on my PlayStation. 😄 😄 😄 A boyfriend asks his girlfriend, “What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine’s Day?” “Well, I don’t know” she answers shyly. “OK, that I give you another year to think about it...” 😄 😄 😄 Boy: “Hey Beautiful, Can I have your number?” Girl: “No, I have a boyfriend.” Boy: “But I’m gay, can I have the number now?” Girl: “Oh, okay! Here’s the number.” Boy: “Thanks, I’m not really gay. Ha!” Girl: “That’s my boyfriend’s number.” 😄 😄 😄 Boyfriend: “Do you think my salary is sufficient for you?” Girlfriend: “It’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?” 😄 😄 😄 Girl: “What if a boy hugs me?” Mom: “Say ‘don’t’.” Girl: “What if he kisses me?” Mom: “Say ‘stop’.” The next day when the girl goes to school her boyfriend hugs and kisses her well so she says as her mother told her to do and she quickly said DON’T STOP! 😄 😄 😄 Madonna is 54 and her boyfriend’s 25. Jennifer Lopez is 43 and her boyfriend’s 26. So if you’re single it...

Avoid While Waiting For Date Things Not To Do While Waiting For Your Date At Her Parents' House Sniff the air and say it smells like a bordello. Repeatedly zip and unzip your fly. Go into a lengthy story about how you had Mexican food last night and ask if you can use the bathroom. Mention that' Mr Happy' is primed and ready. Ask what time you should return your date tomorrow morning. Recite a couple of bawdy limericks. Ask the mom and dad what position they were in when they conceived their daughter. Scratch your crotch and say your herpes is acting up again. Pretend to eat your arm. Ask the dad if you can borrow a couple of condoms. Reasons For Being Stood Up Reasons Dates Have Given For Standing Someone Up I showed up early and decided I just didn't feel like going out after all, so I went home before you arrived. My dog died. My neighbor's bird died, and I had to console my neighbor. I figured that probably wasn't your real picture, so I didn't bother coming over. I overslept. I took the wrong freeway exit and got lost, and after 40 minutes, I gave up, turned around, and went home. I know I said I'd be at home at 8: 00 P. M., but I went out to a movie at 6: 00 P. M. and had such a good time out after meeting some friends at the movie that I forgot all about our date and went out to dinner with them. I had the address, but forgot which city you lived in. Yesterday was the last day of my vacation, so I went two-stepping and ran into my ex there, and we fell in love again...